I am blessed!

I am so blessed and thank full for His grace and mercy, not that I am at all deserving of it and he knows this yet he continues to pour his grace and mercy out on me. He remembers that I am just dust yet He continues to bless me.
For many years I recall the times I would sit and wonder, why had my life been so drastic, what was the purpose of being abandoned as a child, or molested, abused physically, emotionally, forgotten, unloved by my own mother or at least that is what it felt like. Having to grow up without structure or to take care of myself, at such a young age, going through many of the sins in this world, to say the least, this is just a small list of the trying things I have endured in my life, and here I sit not like most crying for sympathy, blaming my parents or others, yet I have come to the realization that My Lord has only giving me what He knows I can handle, it is my recipe, many may not have been my choices or even my mistakes, but I have been given them to live by, through, and with. He brought me out of all of these messed up situations and alive and still loving Him, what a blessing, Thank you lord for the understanding and wisdom to know that you are always blessing me and trying to have me use the very ears you have blessed me with to hear You.

Today, I am where no one I am sure would ever have thought i would be. Blessed with a wonderful christian husband, and a very faithful and loving christian family. A mother I have never really had, a spiritual guider that is not just my pastor but my father-in law, and family members to lean on in times of crisis. Yes I wish that my own family that I have been blessed with did not judge me so that it prevents us from even sitting down together anymore, but they do, still this doesn't keep me from praying even more for them, and wishing for them to one day see the truth and hunger and thirst for Him the way I do, they way He wants us to.

I am blessed with the very air I breath, all I have ever wanted was a baby, a loving husband whom showed me and told me how he loved and and how beautiful i was to him, and a close loving family, yet God has blessed me with 8 kids, more than a loving husband, and a family that sadly enough loves me more than my own. All i can say is I am not worthy, I am not worthy, but he chose me, and I will work for Him and tell of Him until he takes my last breath, and stops blessing me.

I am blessed just to know that Jesus Christ is Lord, blessed blessed blessed!

Prayer!.

Prayer, I at times wonder why is seems to be such and intimidating, and unclothing word for some. Even the bible says that "the fervent prayer of a righteous man, prevailith much!" So when we pray continuously and believe our prayers are answered, yes. And if not this simple yet complex sentence doesnt make you see, then why not the miracles of the people spoken about in the bible that believeth so much and prayed fervently and received, do these help you see what is right in front of you and so simple. Most of my favorite testemonies in the bible are that of the prayers. Take Hannah for instance, so heart broken she prays. How long has she asked for a child? Tears spill over as she mutters a prayer from the depths of her soul. "Lord All-Powerfull, remember me and dont forget me. If you will give me a son, I will give him back to you all his life." Each year they would travel to shiloh to pray, worship and offer sacrafices. It was there that Hannah would plead again with the Lord for a son. Some people thought that she was drunk and accuse her, "No sir," Hannah says, troubled at his accusation. " I was telling the Lord about all my problems. I have been praying because I have many troubles and am very sad". It was that very prayer that gave her what she so desperatly wanted, a son. When all seemed hopless, Hannah perserved in prayer . Why cant we be as patient as Hannah when we pray for a specific need or desire, lets not give up. Furthermore why be so afraid of prayer, or is it not the prayer that is really intimidating but the All powerful Lord and his judgement that will come beside your prayer and weight at your heart with the fear of your sins overweighing the chance of and answered prayer. It is simply said " His love is everlasting and His mercy is neverending, Yes he is the only Judge but he manifested Himself into flesh, and lived to die for us so that our sins shall be forgiven, so why yes, fear Him as the bible warns, but not prayer.
Prayer is powerful, when we just believe, faith comes through believing, faith is the substance of things "Hoped" for and the "Evidence" of things not seen, so in lamen terms, you must believe that He is there and hearing your prayers for anything to happen.

I was told once by a family member in times of trouble i said i will and have been praying for you, and they very defensively suggested I not do that, for it would cause bad karma, what is karma, clearly there a lack of belief in the all mighty, surely we dont enjoy a life full of pain, and suffering, loss, and disapoinment. So then why not pray.

I like to say that we need not make time for praying, yet pray and make time for the rest.

In His hands!

I am here in this world of wonders , of pain and sorrow, of needs and wants, of the lost and needy, of the forgoten and needed. I have the revelation that nothing is possible without God, that everything is possible in God. I have rested in him and give thanks for the troubles as well and equally with my happiness. I know that all things work for the good in God. So basically all things good and bad that happen in my life are for the good. My God is always trying to talk to me, to us, but like the bible says we have ears to hear so hear with them. I have been blessed with the understanding of God's love, of his mercy of which both are undying, never ending. We live in a world of greed, lust, pain, terror, sickness and much more, but only a few chosen ones will really see the light at the end of the tunnel per say. I have had a hard time understanding why people say how could and why would God, a God of love let these "things" happen. Why does he let us breath the very air we breath? Every day is a blessing, a gift, a very treasure to be thankful for, because of his mercy and love we live today, every ounce of Pain, every tear full of sadness shed He is yelling out to us, Seek for Him and He will bless you, Just because I have God in my life faithfully, so faithfully some might say i have no other life, but they don't understand that He is my very life, just because of this doesn't mean that i have no troubles, because i do and I am very thankful for them because these very troubles are what teaches me to be patient and that i need not just love Him when He gives me what i want. I was laying and thinking about my "father" in heaven and said to myself if i could have but one wish i would wish for you to hold me in your Hands they are so great, and comfort me with your wings, and then i realized something, (another revelation) He is holding me in His hands, all the time, i am under His wings all the time, I am always on His mind, i was in His thoughts before i was even born. What a wonderful Father we have. The bible says "I will never leave you, your mother or father might abandoned you but I will never Leave you My child" but what i was really wanting was that same touch of the women that was hemorrhaging for so many years and knew that with her faith that if she could just touch his garments that she would be healed and she was. How precious is the lamb. My father manifested Himself into flesh to live to die for me, for us, He was crucified on the cross, and shed the very blood that washes me clean, that gives me eternal life. How could one, hold a new born child, or read their favorite book, wake up to the sunshine, feel the drops of rain on ones face, or the winds blow through your hair, taste so many flavors of ice cream, hear your favorite music, but not realize the very miracles of the one whom gives them. Because we simply as foretold in the book of life we live in a world of greedy, lustful, proud, selfish, violent, cruel, carnal people to say the least that have forgotten or just do not want to know the very reason why they wake up to the sun, and breath the air, how sad, we don't appreciate anymore the simple truth.

Just my mind wondering with many thoughts letting them out as they come.

Thank you my father for the undying everlasting love and mercy and grace that you so freely give to those who want it... I know that i am so unworthy but yet you pour out your love on me...how beautiful is that..Unconditional love is Our God, Christ Jesus.